♥ #50

I dont know why I feel so angry all the time
And nobody fucking picks up their phone whenever I feel alone

I will not be there for you anymore when you need me. 

♥ #49 2.01 AM

I think we found a winner for tonight. ♥

Just to get things straight , Yes , I do think I am intelligent.

So stop telling me all that I care and obsess about don't matter. True , they might not matter so much to the extend of me being so overly concerned with it, but then again it's a matter of differing opinions. Just because you dont see where I'm coming from don't meant I'm not substantial. Weight, as with anything else that has to do with physical vanity , will always, always be a part of me. The devil in my head comes and goes , but for most parts it will always be there.

I can change the way I am but I may not. It's up to me. And maybe a little bit of you as well. But just to let you know , I did not choose to be this way. My environment sculpted me as such , and hard as it can be , I will fit into mold society has created for me. Keep watching and dont blink.

♥ #48 A Breath of Sunshine

These are everything I will not eat. From now until....until indefinitely.

I just love torturing myself like this.

And speaking of which , I swore I'll bake during the holidays but I still have yet to , and a week have came and passed just like that. Actually I dont even know why I bake. I'm quite odd in the sense that I dont eat the shit I bake. I give them all away to my friends. It's terrifying , really , once you know how much sugar and butter and god knows what pork lard they have in the chocolate chunks that go into the damn cake. Which is not even very big to begin with , nor is the taste extremely rewarding. This is the thing about baking. I spend so much money on it , always so anal on using the best ingredients , spend hours and hours in the kitchen baking and then cleaning up....and I dont even eat my product. It's a waste of time and I'm a little mental perhaps.

I really really wanted to bake a chocolate pie tomorrow though but i guess I shall push that back until ...until I'm ready to bake and not be tempted by hunger at all. It's gonna be tough , going back to the whole dieting thing. And I kinda miss the smiles on my friends' faces when I tell them I bake those brownies. But everything will have to wait.

♥ #47 Mirror

I need to stop eating . 

I still get so angry when I look at myself , so tensed and stressed up whenever I'm not outside with my friends. It reminds me so much of my skin condition that for no apparent reason at all , I fall into a very gloomy mood. I just suddenly become annoyed and angry. Fuck the whole world , I dont think I deserve this ( nobody does?) but here I am.

I think I will just stop eating (or at least try to) and drink lots of water. 

Sacrifice , honey. It's not gonna be easy , but it's gonna be worth it.

♥ #46 Rainbow Skittles , anyone?

There is nothing much to be said , except that like a fool , I waited for the phoneless Ron for TWO HOURS alone at Starbucks yesterday.

I wasn't angry , surprisingly. Far from being mad pissed (as would be my usual reaction , and very justifiably so I believe) , I was just really concerned. Quan wasnt picking my calls from early morning and what if she never calls back? Am I gonna be stranded here alone here in Starbucks , being eyed by two black guys, feeling slightly indifferent and slightly wary for the rest of the day? What if I leave and he comes? How do I even contact him since his brother is in class and not at home? I was just really worried. I think I've changed alot in this sense. I'm much , much more tolerant these days and my temper has mellowed down considerably.

And very luckily for me , Bryan happened to be around so he came on over. And then we went for a movie with his friends , Yuen Teng and Leslie.

And the funny part would be that Leslie looked oddly familiar (and yet I couldnt place it at first) and as it turned out , he used to be from my school! I think it's a little problematic of me that I'm pretty bad with names and faces sometimes. I get really blur. Just a few days ago , I met two girls in a day and I kept confusing one for the other , tho' you may argue that their names sound nothing even remotely close. Xin Yun and Xue Wen. I think I just have an issue with the letter 'X'.

Because everyone needs to have an ugly picture once in a while to be human. Or so I believe.What an unglam shot HAHAHAH.

Oh gosh it really is a horrible picture hahahaha.

J.co at Pav

This was brunch , with my gym instructor who is actually alot like a good friend of mine already by now. I cant even remember when was the last time I had J.co donuts. They're good , really , but lately every time I'm at Pavillion (which is almost every other day pfft) , I almost never skip the mandatory Starbucks and Brownies at TGIF. Desserts are totally my thing , and I really dont know why it had been so long that I didnt go for donuts. And I definitely wouldnt have went there if not for my instructor who suggested donuts.

To be honest, I get a little shy around people I'm not terribly close with and I usually will decline making a choice when it comes to eating places. I really dont mind because it's the company that matters , but I dont want to suggest somewhere that others might not be comfortable with. And it's worse since I'm a girl and they most probably will go with my call. I dont like making people uncomfortable around me.

And it's definitely awkward when guys insist to pay for my share. While flattered, I feel handicapped and indebted as well. I know this is chivalry and how things ARE supposed to be like but since most of the world isnt this way , I'm not used to such special treatment hahahah. Besides , I am brought up by a mom who taught me to always never be 'greedy for free meals and cheap thrills'. This deserves a post of its own and I'll be sure to talk about this soon. 

Caramel Latte, as usual. I really like these two shots.

I love sipping the foam from the plastic cups! Hehehe. :)

And this was Bryan's Rm5.3 Expresso

....that tasted worse than bitter gourd juice , I swear it was THAT bitter and strong. Maybe this is why I've never been a fan of Expresso. I do like dark coffee but I really cannot handle something this strong. It doesn't even taste like coffee anymore , or at least it doesn't taste like the coffee we all know.

And then we watched Fast Five , which was a really great movie. Everything was great , except that we only managed to buy three tickets and Leslie had to literally sneak in. I gave him my seat , and ended up in agony , squeezing with Yuen Teng and came out of the cinema with 8 bucks of comfort down the drain and very , very sore back . My theory is always this - when watching a movie , comfort comes before the movie hahahaha . I'm not really a movie person and most of my friends know this. But it's alright , I was the tiniest one there , sighhhh.

And Ron finally turned up , that bitch. Lol , jokes. He deserved a kick in the balls , but I just ran up to him for a hug , glad that he finally was there after a whole day of waiting for him! :)

Ichiban Boshi for an early dinner. :)

Disclaimer: And from here onwards , it will mostly consist of my vain camwhore pictures. Reader discretion advised. :)

Went to this place in Taman Midah for yamcha turned into full blow supper session , with the white rice and all hahaha. Sushi wasnt enough for the growing boy , and this cafe we went to was near Yuen Teng's place.

I really like playing around with this slow flash effect ! If you're lucky you'll generate really unique shots! :D

Heheheheh :3

Anyway, it was a really good day. It was the first time (I think , seeing that Bryan introduced the two to each other) Ron met Yuen Teng too , and I must say we really had alot in common to talk about. Dont you just love chatty people? Ron and I can never shut up around each other , that's for sure.

Okay , that's all for now. I'm off to do some accounts revision. I still am horrible at it , but no matter how tough it can get I'm gonna bring at least a credit home , I'm determined. It sure feels good looking forward to blogging again these days. I think this writing thing - it's coming back.

Goodnight , it's a Saturday morning already. ♥