It's okay .

It's fine.

 

In case anyone is wondering, I am still alive.

For a moment, you've got me there.

I swear I really tried so hard to disregard all the principles I've held dear for so long.
And all just for you.
All because of you.

But it's okay. Everything will be fine. Time to build these walls up again. No more being so silly, Sandra. No more.

It's horrible to know so much but I'll get better in time.

As Vanessa said, even if I am nothing but a trophy to men, at least I deserve to know
I am nothing short of being the shiniest one. No less.

I guess treating someone the way you want to be treated is not enough for people to treat you the way you want to be treated. With you, I laid my defenses down. The first person I actually told myself I am going to try my best for. But I am young and I am stupid.

The most undeceiving will often surprise you.  

Anyway I am pretty surprised to know that this blog has actually gotten 12k visits in the past one month. It's crazy , because I only have 5 subscribers and really, I didn't think anyone would bother to read. Thank you anonymous stalkers, you know you love me even if I don't know you. xx

making a stand

I don't think it matters , what you think of me at this point. I am whatever you say I am. The only consolation would knowing that regardless of which platform we're standing on now , we ended up at the right place.

This is exactly where the both of us stand. 

And I was right all along anyway. If you could place aside your pride, you too will see what I see. You too will feel what I feel. 

You know what it is that bystanders do best?  Pass comments and judgments. Because it's so easy to think you know a person , so easy to put labels and contain people in a bottle. But why should it affect me?  As I said, I am whatever you say I am and your discretion of thoughts is something I cannot rob you off. 

But remember, before you start pointing fingers, know that it takes a bitch to know one. 

Cheers x ♡

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k

OKAY HI TO YOU WS

YOU ARE READING THIS

BYE. SEE YOU TOMORROW.

HAHA

ツ x

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life

Sometimes I do sort of wonder if people are real. I can touch them, but it always feels like they will fly away. Something just tells need that they're not ever going to be here for long enough.

And then you have all the stupid things you say at 18.

It feels like you're clinging on to me too much & the more you do for me ,
the less I want from you.
The less I want of you.

I can't deal with it sometimes. It's a chill type of crazy
where you sort of watch things spiraling out of control and still you do nothing.

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good morning

A lot of things are making me old .

Disregard the bad and focus on the good ? When all is said and done ,more is said than done .

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3.25 am

tonight is my tumblr night . it has been so long since i went on tumblr and it's always a great inspiration to be looking at beautiful pictures , if they're not already motivating by itself . (:

i try to stay away from that whole emo / goth / anorexic shit because i swear to god if i see another picture of a girl with her ribs poking out , i'll be down that whole crazy diet road again . i sometimes surprise myself with how obsessed i can get over ....bones .

yeah i find them oddly beautiful and don't give me that whole crap about how it's unhealthy and unattractive . i know it's unhealthy but i definitely do not think it's unattractive .

 

 

it's great to be taking like , what ? a 30 minute break away from my els textbook ? that shit is killing me but i guess you can say i'm much more self directed today than i was before . 

it's all about priorities after all , isn't it ?

 

 

god i love my friends so much . 

and the funny part would be that it's not entirely true to say that we're all super close or anything but if there's one thing i understand about friendship , it's how if you're absolutely comfortable with someone , you know they're your friends and things really are that simple .

to be honest i think i can be very critical with the people i surround myself with . sometimes . but with me , there's almost never any dramas because i like things simple . if i can't get along with someone on face level , well then i guess we just shouldn't be talking to each other so much / hanging too much . 

you don't have to hate anyone just because they're not your buddies . 

you don't have to let the world know of your dislike for someone just to prove your point that the both of you couldn't get along . 

but anyway that's not the point of this post . the point of this post is actually writing something for the sake of it . i mean , since i'm already at it , right ? 

goodnight . back to the textbooks until i exhaust myself to the point of fainting . (: 

You make me fall so easily

"Loneliness is just a word that means you are feeling alone and depressed and starting to think about how difficult and strangely impossible it is for you to be interested in the same people who are interested in you and how if you don’t change your worldview and personality soon then you will probably always feel alone and depressed because you can’t remember a time when you haven’t felt alone and depressed."

 

because all good things come to an end . embrace what you can't change . happiness is not always about getting what you want ; it's sometimes about letting go of what you cannot have .

i think , i really think , if all of us are to appreciate the beauty in things being impermanent , things being indefinite , we'd all be more compassionate and understanding .

there is beauty in everything .
but as with everything , if there should be a good side to it
there will be a bad side to it too .

it's up to you which side of the same coin you want to see .

if you've ever felt lonely before , you'll know better than to take anything you have for granted .

x

Happy Sunday

 

just something i chanced upon on fb .
and somehow i find that to be interesting .
i think that's how i feel all the time . i want hugs and cuddles and that's all .

and i always meet people who are way more fascinating than i am and of course it always ends without much of a conclusion . because it always feels that way ; that i never get the things i want and it's fruitless to take risks . i think .

okay bye have a happy sunday ♥

取消資格

Haha I really enjoy pretending like I know chinese at all ! *mysmugchineseface.jpg

anyway college is officially starting on monday .

i'm actually excited for it because well , some people really left quite a deep impression on me and i want to see them again . i know this sounds childish haha . 

 

i know the quality is sort of horrible but i couldn't be bothered to transfer the pictures into the pc manually and all so i just uploaded with blogger-droid . which unfortunately always resize and reduce the quality of my pictures at the expanse of it uploading really quickly .

but oh well , this will have to do because i'm a very lazy blogger . (: 

sometimes i actually wonder if i'm really such a loser that the camera on my phone is my best friend . haha just joking . or maybe not .

anyway i think this is really important . not important in the sense that it's life-saving kind of important but you get what i mean . i think i might want to look back at this post later on like say , maybe 20 years from now HAHA JOKES .

so yeah , yesterday after the orientation was done i took the train to BB and as usual , there was a group of young men at the bridge doing something like a combination of what seemed like harassment towards passerbys + professional begging in collared shirts + trying to pick up the occasional cheap chick who would so generously allow a few poor boys to get her number + conning your money in the name of 'oh-congratulations-you-won-yourself-a-fucking-lamppost' sort of thing you know .

and of course , i'm a professional at dodging professional con men because that area is close to being my second home already no joke and i swear i can get all apeshit when a stranger , or particularly , an unpleasant looking stranger , touch me or attempt to stop me in my tracks to squeeze the little money i have in my wallet .  i already brushed one off , and then when i stopped for a while at the bridge , another stopped me in my tracks and tried to strike up a conversation . soon enough , another two men joined in .

and so i thought , hey , suan le ba you can't run away from these people here .

i knew they were targeting people above the age of 18 . so when he asked me how old i was , i told them i am 17 and that i go to sri garden in whatever bits and pieces of mandarin i was capable of . and so , disappointed that they weren't going to be able to con me , one of the boys asked if he could have my email . i say 'ke yi ah' which means yes you can . and as i predicted , he subsequently asked if he could have my number too , to which i replied with a 'bu ke yi ' (no you can't) and when he pestered further , a 'bu ke yi shi bu ke yi la'  (cannot means cannot la) .

and he asked if i have a boyfriend so i said yes i do and when he asked how many , i told him one . which dismissed his suspicion that i was joking haha .

and at the very right moment , marcus popped up out of nowhere ! i was so surprised and happy to see him ! HAHAHA and the first thing i said to him was , 'now you gotta pretend to be my boyfriend for a while' and sure enough , their heads turned LOLOLOL .

marcus , if this is not fate i don't know what fate is LOLOLOL JOKING .
anyway this was damn random but we went to checkout power ranger figurines and whatnot and ended up yamchaing together with my redhead friend HAHAHA WTF .

and please don't forget i actually knew marcus for a day only HAHAHAHAHAHAH WHAT IS THIS . till now , i have not a single idea about him except that he lives in bandar sri damansara and he likes those typical boy figurines (well obviously since he went to check those stuff out *yawn.jpg) and that he wants to be a lawyer because he felt very inspired over a discipline case he handled as a prefect back in high school HAHAHA and heck i don't even know his surname .

ANYWAY I THINK WE WILL BE GOOD FRIENDS IN THE FUTURE BECAUSE HE IS COOL AS FUCK . WAIT , DID I MENTION THAT HE IS QUITE A RAPPER TOO ? OMG I FOUND MY ULTIMATE KARAOKE PARTNER !!!!

and i said earlier , i think i might want to look back at this later because god forbid , if we actually end up hating each other later on (which is also possible because i can be quite an unreasonable bitch sometimes / i'm damn freaking lame shit myself) i think it will be really funny that i said so much about the first person i actually came to like in college . -___-'

ok i doubt marcus will by any chance read this BUT if you do one day HAHAHA HIHI LET'S GO KARAOKE WTFFF.....  ^_^

alright goodnight . this is perhaps the most pointless post by far .....

相依為命

This is such a beautiful song !! I want to play this on my wedding . (:

There's a version with english translation on youtube and that is how I really came to appreciate this song . Such meaningful lyrics . Enough of sad love songs !

I think I'm beginning to like Jordan Chan . He's a classic , just like Eason Chen is . Even my favorite Chilam is not in their league imo .

Go listen to it !

x

Okay

so i went for my college's orientation today .

and it sucks knowing there's one more day to battle through tomorrow.
or more precisely , today. in a few more hours.

don't get me wrong . i've met quite a few interesting people along the way and though i cannot say for sure that we'll end up gelling together for the rest of my time here , i do think they're pretty cool . but honestly , i couldn't be bothered about that .

i was just tired the whole day .
and the whole motivational-talk thing was just plain boring .

and it made me a little uncomfortable to know that a lot of these people i met were putting on a confident facade in the namesake of being a 'lawyer-to-be' . or so to say .

i mean , i just felt really out of place .
because i was just like whateverrrr when the other were blablahbla-ing
with a few trying the take the lead it was even worse because i sort of have zero tolerance for people who come off as too authoritative when they've done nothing to prove that they're worthy . i'm not jealous or anything , just annoyed at being shoved and instructed around .

but as always , i let them take the lead .

i guess i'm really feeling more and more withdrawn by the day .
it's like i don't even care what's going on around me if it doesn't affect/involve me directly .
but this is also good because while i do not initiate anything , this teaches me to be more tolerant .

anyway gonna go grab some sleep now . hopefully i'll meet even more cool people i could click with today . or i would just leave early and grab lunch with the bestie some few stations away . i might even buy him a box of cigarettes to cheer him up since he'll definitely need it now more than ever . 

goodnight . x

Gohae

that's the song i'm listening to right now anyway lol . tei's cover , of course .

waiting from brian to come pick me up . movie (:

anyway this post is really pointless . except to point out that some people are ignorant and stupid , and yet arrogant enough to think they're on a pedestal against you . ha ha ha .

joker .

Brit's Farewell Lunch

so yeah today i met up with brit for lunch since she'll be flying off to UK tomorrow !

had korean bbq and i think she really over ordered for our table ! everyone was so stuffed and satisfied . (:

we went to this place called Da Jang Geum or however they spell it but i'm pretty sure i'm getting it right despite what foursquare was telling me HAHA . it's this little korean restaurant in korean town in ampang . i'm not the hugest fan of korean cuisine but the food was good and very appetizing . (:

our lunch . actual representation would be this x10 HAHA

anyway , thank you so much for the lunch Brit . i hope to see you again soon when you come back for holidays . i've known you for so long and you're one of the most self directed , disciplined person i know . i'm sure you'll do well for your dentistry ! you're a smart girl and if you put your heart into it , i'm sure there's nothing you cannot accomplish ! all the best and take care of yourself when you're there . it's time to be independent and discover the world for yourself . (:


and i sort of left early , right after the lunch . ):

went to mcdonald's all the way in ukay heights because a friend's car was badly damaged in an accident last evening and i thought it'd be good to look for him for a while to grab lunch .  i was so full already by that time but i still got myself a mcflurry ! my day is complete . (:

and you wouldn't believe this , but we actually hung out at the playground near his house after that , just playing swings and see-saws. got home really early today but all in all , it was a lovely day with even lovelier company !

of course no day is complete without me camwhoring . haha alright , off to catch an episode of Dicey Business ! i love that show ! Bosco is starring in it and I love him to bits ! Such an adorable actor . :P

ice cream Oreo

Well since I can't sleep , I reckon I might as well . :)

It's horrible to me lol . I think it tastes as close as a biscuit could ever taste like ice cream but it's still bad . It's just some icky , sweet cream . A reminder to myself to never fall for 'interesting' flavors . ):

Alright , good night for real ! Will be having lunch with Britney tomorrow as well as the other girls . A very busy and hopefully productive day ahead ! (:

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#idontknowwhat

post this is . i lost track !

anyway it's 12.55 in the morning now and so i guess it's the 3rd already today ? how time flies ! we're already in the third day of the new year . it really feels like it was just yesterday when i was out for new year .

anyway , i didn't get the Tab today . i was approaching the subject by bringing up the possibility of needing a laptop for college (i already have one at home) and that i can't possibly be lugging that around with me all day , everywhere i go , since it'll be such trouble ! it's really kinda heavy and so i was just telling my dad that maybe , just maybe , a tablet would serve me better . 

and he jokingly shot me back with a question  , 'i buy the tablet , you use or i use?' 

i told him of course he can use it and all he said was , 'then i'll buy one when i need one . ' -_- 

but thank god i did not go home empty handed . ended up buying a pair of lacoste but that's about it . i get real mad every time i go out for a supposed shopping trip only to discover nothing i like . it really breaks my spirit and i for one do not believe in window shopping . it's either i rid myself off all such temptations by not having anything in mind to buy , or i go out and get whatever i want or need . 

i was searching high and low for a bag for college , a new purse as well as a watch . guess i didn't have much luck then . i couldn't find a suitable bag , and when it came to the purse , i've had in mind the red braun buffel for months already . yes , for months . 

yes , this one except in plain texture ! it's only 400 but for some odd reasons , my dad refused vehemently to get it for me ! i'm not saying 400 is not a lot of money . my point here is that if anything , 400 bucks is better spent on a purse than on a pair of shoes since i use a purse everyday . plus , it's made of real leather . so you're paying for the quality (or so to say) and not just the brand , tho' i must admit that the purse would otherwise be plain without the little rhino metal piece . 

the last time i asked for it , my dad launched into a lecture of how it's inappropriate and wrong for someone like me , someone always with so little money , to be 'using such an expensive purse' . and that he himself 'has never splurged on a wallet like that before' . T_________T aduihaiz

but i really like it and no matter what i will get it soon lah i'm so embarrassed of my milk teddy wallet which was a birthday gift from my aunt when i was 9 . fml . T_T 

okay so this last selca of me before i sleep ! taken just minutes ago . i feel so horrible barefaced .

oh and the consolation i have right now is the grocery i bought just now ! it has been so long since i last stocked up my stash of snacks and lil bites . heeheee i really took advantage of the opportunity by getting some oreos , granola bars , pop tarts , cheese crackers and boxes of hello panda ! lovely . 

nights ! gonna go grab a munch now . (: 

x

Monday

On the way to Mid Valley now ! There's still a few item to pick up before college starts .

Hopefully I'll manage to cajole the dad into getting me a Tab 10.1 ! I'll give it a try by dragging him into the Samsung store .

Bye ! Gonna take a look at the resource center of my college ! ♡

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Yay !

finally i designed something for my blog . it has been badly clothed all these while !

i'm sorry , it has been so long since i did anything involving html . so the layout is sort of rusty , i know . but really , i couldnt be bothered the least bit by that because it's pretty enough to my standards ! i'm just a little disappointed that my sidebar is aligned with my post (which also includes the date) and therefore looks like it's slightly above its ideal position . but never mind that !

i'm a very sloppy girl and this is good enough !

i can't believe i can still fix something like this up . seriously , too long since i touched photoshop and html and css codes and whatnot !

and i swear this has NOTHING to do with the new year . i did not redesign my blog to kick start my new year or anything like that but since it's already here , i might as well just claim so even if i know i'm a liar . hahaha . but honestly i wish i would be bothered with that LOL .

goodnight , 2nd january 2012 ! 

x 

♥

Test test ~

Okay so i just got the application for blogger on my phone and if this really works , I guess I'll be a much more active blogger from now . 

IPhone covers I bought today . Nope , I don't use an iPhone BTW .

Alright , tata . Happy New Year everyone ! *virtual kisses ! ♡

p/s ; okay so it is publishable BUT still shitty . I can't arrange and align my photos as I wish and when I want to edit my posts , my photos don't show . They only show in html . Say whuttttt .....

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