It Reminds Me

Of those nights when I would stay awake just trying to write down how I feel. It didn't matter how long it took , I would wait and wait and wait until the words come. And maybe I would find some sleep eventually , when I feel satisfied .

And then I began reading more. I don't even know if by saying reading more , I am correct. Sounds alot like a contradiction to me because I've always been reading alot. Anyway , I don't think it matters too much. My point here is still , the more I read , the more I realize how lacking I am. It's not the way I write or the way I try to express myself all the time , it's the things I say. I lack a sense of humor. Lots of it. I lack sarcasm and irony. Lots of it. I lack this thing you call a writer's instinct. Too damn much I don't even know where or how to begin.

In short , I guess I can be summarized with just one word - incompetent .
Another word? Impatient .
One more , I'd give you that - Pessimistic .

Because every story I write , I make my characters sad and twisted in one way or another. Always victims , never the one to be strong. Or maybe the strong ones end up dying. I dont know. I think this reflects on the type of person I am - the way I think , I mean. I am as weak a person as the fictional characters I put down on paper , subconsciously.